Masking refers to how neurodivergent people, most commonly people with autism, change their behavior in order to fit in with others and show up how people expect them to. Behaviors that people with autism may try to change can include:
- Avoiding or reducing the level of stimming (making noises or movements to maintain mental and emotional equilibrium)
- Facial expressions they would not naturally make in order to match others
- Modifying their tone of voice from how they normally sound
- Using a script to engage rather than letting a conversation flow naturally
While most people modify their behavior around others in order to fit in or conceal things that feel too vulnerable, the level of the change is often far greater for autistic people, and it may feel a lot more uncomfortable to make those changes. The cost to modifying behavior is much greater than for a neurotypical person. Discomfort with trying to maintain expectations in certain social expectations can lead to autistic burnout and overwhelm, and even meltdowns. Many neurodivergent kids will act out as soon as they get home from school because they are overwhelmed by school and needing to keep it together. Home may be a safe enough space to fall apart in a way they could not in school because of social expectations.
One way to help autistic people in your community is by making the world a more acceptable place to be. You can do this by:
–Getting more information about autism. Autism Speaks is a great resource and is run solely by people who are autistic.
–Helping people do what is needed to feel comfortable. For example, if you are in a place where there is too much noise or movement, if possible turn down the volume or move to a different location to help the person stay regulated.
–Make room for stimming. Allow people to move or make noises without making a big deal about it.
–Make room for non-typical social interactions, ways of speaking, or topics of discussion.
Each autistic person is unique, and the way their diagnosis shows up is different. Be attentive to needs and be accommodating to the extent that you can.
Whether an autistic person should or should not mask is a personal decision. Autistic people may choose to give information to others about their behaviors and diagnoses during an interaction so the other person understands why they are behaving differently. Some may choose not to mask and to not give an explanation. Others may want to mask in most settings if it makes it easier for them to not deal with the social fallout. What everyone can do however, is to have more grace and allow for different types of social interactions so everyone can feel more at ease to be themselves.
If you are newly, or not newly, diagnosed with autism and would like a place to talk about it, reach out. I have worked with many kids, teens, and adults understanding themselves to a greater extent with a diagnosis of autism.